How to Use this Relationship Building Guide for Teachers

There is a lot of uncertainty for the upcoming school year, and all teachers are bracing for the possibility of having to teach remotely for some part of the academic year to further curb the spread of COVID-19. While this can seem like a daunting task, it is a certainty that students, teachers, and administrators will come together to do innovative work in these times of crisis. In all of this, we know that one thing stands at the helm of quality education: relationships. We have put together this guide on how to build relationships virtually—read through to learn why and how to build quality relationships in the classroom and better your teaching.

Feel free to pick and choose from different sections of the guide to help you prepare for a virtual world of teaching. There are tips on connecting with your students, building community digitally, bringing parents into the conversation, and daily routines that can enhance relationships in the classroom. While these strategies are relevant in a virtual setting, teachers can also use this throughout the year when incorporating digital elements to in-person instruction.

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5 Reasons Why Student-Teacher Relationships are Important

Many teacher training programs will emphasize differentiated curriculum, backwards planning, and behavioral management, all key skills for effective teaching and learning. That being said, relationship building with students has been shown to be instrumental in student success, and it may be one of the most underrated skills for educators today. Here are a few reasons why student-teacher relationships are important:

1. Building positive relationships with students can lead to improved academic results.

This is a big end-goal for many educators, whose jobs include guiding students to fulfilling their academic potentials. Now relationships alone don’t guarantee that a student will perform better—they still need engaging and appropriate content instruction. But research has shown that more positive student-teacher relationships are associated with higher levels of student engagement in the short- and long-term for a variety of factors (attendance, academic grades, fewer disruptive behaviors, etc).

These essential “supports for learning” can be seen as the base of the learning pyramid, necessary precursors to any intellectual rigor in the classroom.

“People won’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – Teddy Roosevelt

2. Feeling safe and comfortable can motivate both students and teachers to continue logging in to class. 

Students clearly have more fun in a classroom where they have a personal connection with the instructor—it turns out that the same applies to teachers. A study in the European Journal of Psychology and Education found student-teacher relationships to be a strong predictor for increased joy and lower feelings of anxiety amongst teachers.

Having positive relationships with your students can be just what you need to throw on your blue light glasses and log in for another digital class.

3. Having strong relationships with your students can make interactions with parents much easier. 

Nobody wants to show up to a parent-teacher conference and have nothing to say about somebody’s child. By being genuinely interested in your students and planning activities to strengthen those relationships, phone calls home will be much easier and more enjoyable. Parents will appreciate that you know their children well, and they will be more likely to trust you and implement your feedback. We go over how to conduct virtual parent-teacher conferences in this post you may find helpful.

4. It can boost good behavior in teens for up to 4 years.

A study by the University of Cambridge found that having a positive relationship with a teacher around the age of 10-11 years old contributes to “the development of ‘prosocial’ behaviours such as cooperation and altruism, as well as significantly reduce problem classroom behaviours such as aggression and oppositional behaviour.” Even more, those effects could last for years after student-teacher interactions, proving to be just as effective as anti-bullying initiatives at developing adolescents in a holistic manner.

5. Positive student-teacher relationships have huge academic benefits for our most vulnerable students.

This means that focusing on relationships promotes equity in your classroom. The students who are most at-risk—those who are racially, socially, or economically marginalized or have learning disabilities—benefit the most from the quality of relationships they form with teachers. When Stanford psychologists used “belonging” interventions on middle school students at the beginning of the school year, a time when students most worry about belonging to their communities, the exercises helped first-generation and minority students find greater academic success.

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3 Challenges to Promoting Social and Emotional Learning with Students During Distance Learning

1. It is hard to have casual one-on-one conversations, or small group discussions, on a video call.

In a traditional classroom setting, students who arrive to class early may chat with their teachers and friends while getting seated and ready for class. This is often the time where teachers catch up with students about the score from their soccer match, or what movie they watched over the weekend, or how things are going with their family situation at home. 

On a computer screen, these informal conversations are difficult and awkward; what you say to one kid will be heard by all, so private chats are totally ruled out. The same goes for students who are used to sitting with their friends and whispering comments or advice to each other during class. Students can’t ask their friends for math help or verify the page number in The House on Mango Street without outing themselves to the entire class. That is a huge barrier for developing both student-teacher relationships and student-student relationships.

Possible solution: Getting comfortable with “waiting rooms” or “breakout rooms” on your video conference system can help combat this struggle and give you needed one-on-one time with students. You can also use GoogleDocs, discussion threads, or chat features to give students a place to interact with each other during class in a productive manner.

2. Without being together, you can’t engage your students with activities involving physical movement or choral response.

We’ve all seen examples of exemplary teachers engaging their students in class with an unconventional presence:

Team-building charades game stressing communication:

The teacher who had a unique handshake for every student in his class:

The math teacher playing a cover of One Direction’s song for the quadratic formula:

These exercises are all designed to gain student attention, incorporate fun and movement into lessons, build positive relationships with students, and establish community in the classroom. None of these can be replicated exactly in a virtual setting, where internet connectivity is not synched up for every student and physical touch is out of the picture.

Possible solution: Adapt these activities using pre-recorded videos on FlipGrid, or collect individual recordings and splice them together like this virtual choir.

3. Teacher and student presence is severely diminished on a computer screen.

Master teachers know how to be fully present for their students, having a good pulse on the classroom and being able to adapt lessons based on body language or facial expressions. They also derive motivation and direction from students’ nods, questioning stares, or smiles of recognition during a lecture.

For distance learning, teachers may not be able to see everyone on screen at once, especially when sharing a screen or giving a lecture. Not to mention technological issues that they may encounter, whether that be a broken microphone or loss of video.

Furthermore, it is easy to get distracted by alerts or other websites on a computer, for teachers and students alike. There are numerous studies that speak to the issue of multitasking on laptops and the detrimental effects they have on learning; surely, this loss of attention can deteriorate any sense of community and relationships within the class. 

Possible solution: Use the “Gallery view” so that you can see everyone in a grid format during class. Structure as much interactivity as possible into lectures using EdPuzzle or PollEverywhere so that students can participate and have their voices be heard.

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5 Classroom Rituals to Build Connectedness Virtually 

This section covers strategies for educators to consistently promote connectedness in a normal school day. Many of these rituals can be worked into your teaching toolkit to promote relationship-building no matter what situation you are in, but they are especially useful in a virtual setting.

1. Master the soft start to ease students into class each day.

Soft starts are the counterparts to school bells; rather than starting a lecture at 9:00am on the dot, students have a period of time to settle in, mentally transition from science to history class, re-engage their mental muscles with a puzzle or reading, and prepare themselves for the class ahead. One kindergarten teacher nicely described soft starts as “an invitation into the day”, offering students some space and choice in their learning experience. Here are a few soft start ideas that you can have students do virtually:

• Read an article or book of choice
• Play a game together, like Sporcle trivia or Guess It
• Math games and challenge problems
• Reflection questions and journal prompts (ex: Make a list of everything that inspires you — from books to websites to quotes to people to paintings to stores to the stars.)
• Talk to a classmate in a breakout room
• Jigsaw puzzles or artwork with materials at home

These soft starts help support your students’ social, emotional, and mental needs during a period of time where they need it the most. You can do all of these either virtually or in-person, and this small piece of routine is sure to help students feel more supported and connected.

2. Do frequent check-ins for all students.

This is most commonly seen in the form of a High and Low, where each student shares something positive and something negative they are experiencing that day (or week). You can also call it “Hype and Gripe” or “Rose, Thorn, and Bud”, with the “Bud” being something to look forward to. Make sure to give your students some wait time (1 – 2 minutes) to be introspective before asking them to share, and acknowledge every contribution to the group. If you keep things moving, the entire check-in can take less than 5 minutes while being a huge source of connection for your class. It reminds your students that every single voice matters, including theirs, and provides a safe environment for your students to share and respond to their emotional states.

3. Vary synchronous and asynchronous classes.

On the one hand, you want to get as much face time with your students as possible so they feel connected and cared for. On the other hand, it can be exhausting (for your mind and eyes) to be on a computer for that long. Plus, students without reliable internet connectivity or who have rigid + distracting home schedules are at a disadvantage with synchronous classes. 

Take a class every few weeks to have the students work asynchronously and, if possible, off-screen. They can read a book, listen to a podcast, reflect on their learning, create a piece of art, or even fill out a printed worksheet. This time away will make your time together feel more valuable and cherished, and the varied nature of classes will keep your students engaged and on their toes.

4. Incorporate group work into most classes, mixing groups every two weeks.

There is a mound of evidence that suggests cooperative learning to be significantly helpful towards student learning and socialization. You can utilize a range of strategies to incorporate group work into each class like shared projects on Google Drive, discussions with the Jigsaw method, or competition on Quizlet Live. 

Even while doing independent practice, many students enjoy having a peer around to collaborate with and as the point-person for tricky questions. If you can, utilize Zoom breakout rooms and pre-assign students into appropriate groupings, changing up the groups every few weeks. This gives students opportunities to interact and work with each other from afar, building student-student relationships while deepening their learning.

5. Ask for student feedback regularly—consider soliciting “Friday Feedback” each week.

This could be in the form of an exit ticket, student focus groups, a Google Forms survey, an ungraded quiz, or a video reflection on FlipGrid. You can get creative and mix up the medium of feedback, but keep it simple—complexity is the enemy of execution! It is important that students feel like they have a say in their learning experiences, and your solicitation of feedback helps you adjust class to help them learn while communicating that you value their input. Here is a great Cult of Pedagogy article on how and why to ask students for feedback.

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7 Student Relationship Building Ideas and Activities for the Virtual Classroom While Teaching Remotely

1. Greet each student by name every single day.

This one is an obvious, but important one. By greeting your students by their names (or nicknames), you signal to them that you do care about their arrival and are excited about their individual presence. Some teachers even insist that the students unmute themselves and say hello back with a wave, and this simple act gets students engaged and present right at the start.

2. Show students your world.

Tell stories about your family, bring your dogs into class for a guest appearance, and show them what you ate for breakfast/lunch. Even better, share with students your fear of heights, your struggles with getting your kids to eat vegetables, and your active efforts to stay positive while living in the era of Covid-19. Students love to get an insider’s look into their teachers’ lives, and they will appreciate your willingness to open up and share your world with them. Encourage them to do the same with “bring your pet to school” days or show-and-tell breaks.

3. Have students write about themselves.

A simple writing exercise about student interests and values can have an enormous impact on the way that school feels to a child. An activity like the one below can be implemented before an assessment to help ground students and subconsciously remind them that they have significance outside of what grades they earn on their algebra tests. This values-affirming activity is a subtle psychological intervention that buttresses belonging and identity, in addition to reducing stereotype threat in marginalized students. If you choose to read their responses, you also learn a LOT about your students that you might use to make lessons more engaging and further connect with your class.

Please look over the following list of values and choose one or two that are very important to you.

• Artistic skills/appreciation
• Sense of humor
• Relationships with friends and family
• Spontaneity/living life in the moment
• Social skills
• Athletics
• Musical ability/appreciation
• Creativity
• Faith/spirituality

Please take a few moments to write about why your chosen value is very important to you. You may want to write about a time when this value was particularly meaningful, about why this value makes you feel good about yourself, and/or about how you apply this value in your everyday life.

4. Start a virtual book club for your class.

Whether you teach math, science, history, or language arts, reading is an integral skill that is used in every discipline. You can incorporate book clubs into your curriculum and allow students to choose from a range of books/articles/stories that appeal to them. They can teach each other about their texts, and if you’re lucky, they will be able to apply what they read to lessons learned in class. Even the most reluctant readers will enjoy being able to choose their own texts, and this small gesture of student autonomy can help nudge a kid towards having a positive relationship with learning.

5. Provide high-quality feedback on assignments.

Some research by John Hattie suggests that feedback is one of the top 10 influencers for student achievement. What he forgets to emphasize is how much feedback can affect student-teacher relationships, in both positive and negative ways. Even if you don’t physically see your students every day, find ways to give them personalized feedback about their work.

This study in the British Journal of Educational Psychology details how children perceive relationships after completing tasks with success or failure, reminding us of some key facets of effective feedback:

• Focus on the process, not the person. For example, say “there is no evidence to back your claim—make sure to cite a text or article we have used in class” rather than “you weren’t effective or persuasive enough in this paragraph”.
• Praise effort (when applicable), not intelligence or talent. This is a key part of growth-mindset that helps build resilience in our students.
• Give unbiased and objective feedback, written or via a computer. This works great with remote learning, where feedback is delivered electronically via what students perceive as a more neutral format than oral comments.
• Use the power of peers, and deliberately teach the students how to give useful and process-based feedback to each other.
• Give feedback in as timely a manner as possible. This is no small task to ask of teachers already overburdened with lesson-planning and grading. You can use online tools like Albert to auto-generate feedback on formative assessments, or provide simple and short feedback on a small portion of the assignment.

6. Use the “2 x 10 Theory” to intentionally build relationships with your students.

The 2 x 10 Theory was pioneered by Canadian principal Myron Dueck, who felt that teachers could spend 2 minutes a day for 10 days trying to connect with challenging students. Even if the student exudes no desire to connect, a teacher can subtly plan quality time with that student and show that they care.

That may be asking about their family before class, getting their feedback on activities, soliciting their help with set-up or reminders, checking in with them during circuit work, etc. There is a good chance that your student will open up to you before 10 days is over! That is a tiny portion of class that could yield great outcomes in building positive relationships with all students.

7. Offer remote office hours and actively encourage students to come.

There is no question that some students will find it difficult to engage on a conference call with the whole class, preferring to consult with you individually. Others might need to babysit their younger siblings during class or have faulty internet connectivity, causing attendance to be sparse and learning + connection to drop.

To meet the needs of all learners, teachers can offer remote office hours 1 – 2 times per week via video conference or phone call. You can contact individual students and encourage them to show up— a simple “I’d love to help you work through this assignment. Can you come to tomorrow’s office hours?” will be enough for most students. Another great tactic is to require all students to meet with you at least once, even for 5 minutes, early in the school year. This will show them that office hours aren’t so scary, and can give you the time you need to make those personalized connections. By the way, check out our free teaching strategy discovery tool.

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5 Community Building Ideas for the Virtual Classroom and School

This section covers a few ways that teachers can build community in either their classrooms or their schools. There are tips for teachers on building student-student relationships, as well as strategies teachers can use to foster relationships amongst co-workers and administrators

1. Have students drop “gratitude bombs” with letters or videos.

You can ask students to write a letter or record a quick video to express their appreciation for a classmate or teacher that has made their remote learning experience better. Expressing gratitude has been shown to improve your personal health as well as your relationship with others, and it has a ripple effect on the entire community. Plus, it is ridiculous to wait for Teacher Appreciation Month (May) for your fellow colleagues to feel some love from their students! FlipGrid has a great MixTape feature that allows you to compile videos into groups and share them with others, like this group of teachers did to congratulate their graduating class of 2020.

2. Host a virtual talent show.

Talent shows are a great way for students, faculty, and staff to display their unique skills while creating connection through fun activities. It is easy to do virtually, with the help of video conferencing technologies (Zoom, WebEx, or GoogleHangouts) and webinar features. This how-to guide details some key tips to virtual talent shows like setting time limits and having MC’s. Here is a great list of virtual talent show ideas that includes TikTok dances, sign language, celebrity impersonations, and more.

3. Take your students on a scavenger hunt or virtual field trip.

Many of your students will know very little about the history and landmarks in their own neighborhoods, and there are multitudes of learning opportunities right outside their front doors. You can take a class period to organize a virtual field trip where students (safely, with social distancing) walk around town stopping at predetermined places of interest, like town hall, a grove of deciduous trees, or a scenic area to write in the style of Romanticism. They can write blogs about their travels around town, measure heights of tall trees with trigonometry, or take photographs that incorporate perspective and “leading lines”. Collaborate with your colleagues on inspiring assignments that are relevant to your subject area and make remote learning fun and engaging for all. Watch Spanish teacher Brooke Higgins walk his students around Monterey, CA in “El Camino de la Historia”!

4. Share student work with the school community.

Watch how the Stevenson School featured student performances on their social media page and spread news on their academic progress to students, faculty, staff, parents, and alumni:

• Rock band performance of “Valerie”
• 5th grade chain reaction machines
• Stop motion claymation for 6th grade art
• Acapella performance of “Hallelujah” by the choir
• 10th grade demonstration on center of gravity with a pencil

This is a wonderful example of ways that teachers and staff members are showcasing the work they do remotely and building a strong sense of school community. Students might be initially hesitant to make their work public, but when they hear compliments from classmates and teachers about their short stint of fame, they will beam with pride and school spirit.

5. Share teaching ideas with your colleagues.

Some colleagues will be more comfortable than others with remote teaching, and sharing tips + tricks with fellow teachers can improve relationships as well as the educational quality at your school. If you read a great article on remote learning or learned how to make your own iPad video lessons, share those skills with co-teachers!

Administrators can help by setting up discussion threads for professional development or hosting virtual symposiums with a range of “how-to” sessions led by different teachers. Even if you end up chatting with your colleagues for half the session, that is valuable bonding time that you need to replace the usual faculty lounge chatter that brings everyone together. Department heads should consider hosting short, regular meetings to provide administrative updates as well as bring the adults in the community together.

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How to Build Strong Relationships with Parents During School Closures

Teachers don’t usually get into the profession because they love interacting with parents. That being said, the importance of teacher-parent relationships has been proven to be enormously impactful on a child’s education. In particular, multiple studies show that when parents and teachers have a positive relationship, children show more developed social-emotional skills AND they have higher academic achievement. Intentionally soliciting parental engagement can have monumental effects on your students.

Here are a few quick tips for developing strong relationships with parents during school closures:

• Create a class website that parents can access to view important information, like teacher contact info, syllabus of topics, homework assignments, etc. If your school uses a learning portal like Canvas or Seesaw, get familiar with the system and keep the page up-to-date.
• Place 2 minute phone calls home to parents, reporting on positive news about their children—you can even write emails or letters if you prefer. Having direct contact with parents helps avoid future conflicts or miscommunication, plus it can really make the day for that family!
• Host regular opportunities for parent-teacher conferences, letting parents sign up for 10 minute slots via Google Calendar appointments or other calendar tools.
• Invite parents with subject matter knowledge to give guest lectures in class. Make sure to vet the speaker for age-appropriate content and get approval from supervisors beforehand.
• Create interactive assignments that parents and students can complete together, like family book clubs or genealogy interviews. Beware of assigning parents too much responsibility during online learning—make it an occasional assignment to aid in familial buy-in and bonding.

It is important to note that many minority families experience a more distant relationship with teachers, due to cultural mismatch and other social factors. Teachers and administrators need to make intentional efforts to engage culturally diverse families and ensure that every student receives the opportunity to thrive in school.

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Wrapping Things Up: How to Build Strong Relationships During Distance Learning

We know that every teacher is yearning to get back into the classroom, but in the event of distance learning precautions, this article should help you establish and develop positive relationships with your students and school community. We discussed the many academic, social, and practical benefits for focusing on relationships in classrooms, and discussed the common barriers to building relationships virtually (with some suggestions to tackle them).

In case you missed it, here’s a brief summary of our best tips for building relationships virtually:

• Say hello to each student every day, with high/low check-ins
• Gather regular feedback from your class, soliciting input on effective lessons and class activities
• Incorporate group work into most classes to support student-student relationships and social-emotional learning
• Have students write about themselves with values-affirmation exercises
• Provide high quality feedback on student work, focusing on process and actionable fixes students can make to their work
• Have students make “gratitude bombs” (letters or videos) for peers and teachers
• Take your class on a virtual scavenger hunt or field trip
• Share student work with the school community (including parents and alumni)
• Call or email parents about positive student behavior and work
• Keep parents in the loop through class website, parent-teacher virtual conferences, and interactive assignments

We hope you have found this article helpful in planning for the school year, even if it serves as a launching pad for further discussions and research. Now it’s time to ask the hive mind of innovative teachers out there…

Do you have additional ideas on how to build stronger relationships during school closures? 

We would love to hear from you! Let us know of your relationship-building activities and the impact it has had on your students.

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• Teacher Self-Care When Working from Home
• 75 Educational Websites for Teachers: The Ultimate List
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• 131 Tools for Distance Learning & Strategies for Student Engagement
• How to Teach from Home with Google Classroom and Albert
• 10 Co-Teaching Strategies for Remote Learning
• Our free 150+ teaching strategies discovery tool